Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
