me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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