I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
