She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
