Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So much Jack, so little girl.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
