My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
