Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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