i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
