omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
