I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
