piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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