I wish I could punch you in the face.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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