She just used a chaser for red wine.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
