My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
