Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
