so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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