Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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