i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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