You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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