i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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