Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
