Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
