a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
