now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
