'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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