I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
