i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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