I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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