you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
