my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
