WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
