Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
