We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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