i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
