what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
