he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
