my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
