the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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