I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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