i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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