All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm too high and old for this...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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