Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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