I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God, I missed his penis.
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