Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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