dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
