I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
