The maid of honor just puked.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
