Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
