White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
