I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
