At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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