My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
