I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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