if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
